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Oct 21
2011
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What Took Me So Long?Posted by itsthebunk in healing , Grief , C4YW , Breast Cancer |
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Since my previous post I tried many, MANY times, in good faith, but was simply not capable of revisiting my experience of C4YW, the Annual Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer.
It's not that I had a bad time there. It was an inspiring event and I learned a lot. It’s just that by “simply” being there, my psyche took a major thrashing.
I have had breast cancer 3 times, so I knew enough to expect a few emotional aftershocks--but, I was not prepared for such profound emotional pain each time I reflected on the event.
There came a point where I realized the only way to recover was to stop trying to make myself get over it (as if!), and put it out of my mind for a while.
That’s how grief works. It has its own, unhackable operating system. It dictates. And, it’s contrary too. The more you try to put a stop to it, the deeper it digs in.
It's not that I had a bad time there. It was an inspiring event and I learned a lot. It’s just that by “simply” being there, my psyche took a major thrashing.
I have had breast cancer 3 times, so I knew enough to expect a few emotional aftershocks--but, I was not prepared for such profound emotional pain each time I reflected on the event.
There came a point where I realized the only way to recover was to stop trying to make myself get over it (as if!), and put it out of my mind for a while.
That’s how grief works. It has its own, unhackable operating system. It dictates. And, it’s contrary too. The more you try to put a stop to it, the deeper it digs in.
If you accept it, however, and permit yourself to succumb to it, it doesn’t decrease in intensity, but it does flow through you more smoothly.
We are far too afraid of grief and negative emotions in this culture.
